Playground Conference, an inclusive & intersectional sexuality event, is happening in Toronto November 13-15. I’m doing a workshop on Sunday afternoon about the steps to building a fantasy scene, how your environment and the tools you choose heighten a mood or sensation, and shift your inner thoughts and feelings into an altered state. Have a look here at Behind Fantasy: The Steps to Building Your Ideal Scene.
Playground Conference has your weekend sorted. Or come for a day. Or just get a session pass to see me, Sunday the 15th at 3:40. Talks, workshops, parties, and sexy people EVERYWHERE.
Around midnight on Tuesday, I chatted on the radio show Sex City with Jon Pressick and guest co-host Stephen Biggs.
Here is a link to the audio recording of my interview, with the transcript below…
Jon Pressick: We have one more guest to talk about what’s coming up at Playground. Here with us in the studio is Mistress Isobel, who is a Toronto Dominatrix, who is going to be telling us about her workshop Behind Fantasy: The Steps to Building your Ideal Scene. Welcome, how are you?
Mistress Isobel: Nothing but potential, thank you.
Jon Pressick: Excellent, excellent. That’s a wonderful way to lead into any conversation, and I think that’s a wonderful way to lead into thinking about your ideal sexual scene is potential, and how that potential can relate to what it is you want to achieve, and it’s a very intriguing workshop because personally speaking it’s been something I’ve been working with a lot lately is the ideas of the five senses and how they can build and how they work together and how they work individually and how you can bring those together. So where do you start with the five senses and building a scene?
Mistress Isobel: Well there’s it’s quite practical I think, that you can really just line up a bunch of tools to create some really deep emotional shifts when you decide to take out a little bit of space in your life and give it some boundaries, and create something within that. And you can do that with using very accessible sort of DIY tools. What have we got, we go with sound, smell, taste, touch, and certainly hearing. So I think, smell, that’s the one that I’ve been exploring a lot recently, I’ve had a week long run of figging and..
JP: Now you will need to explain that one, sometimes, we have a wonderful audience here on Sex City but we do surprise them sometimes.
Mistress Isobel: Sure, it’s you carve up a finger of ginger into a shape of a butt plug and pop it in your friend and it gives a, develops a warmth that becomes rather overwhelming, with the heat. It’s very safe and lots of fun for endurance tests. But what I love about it is the smell that enters the room, it’s that kind of anticipation, that sharpness, you know what’s going to happen. And then when you’re cooking your Thai curry the next night you can think back to those lovely memories.
So I think that those are actually quite easy to conjure up, say you’re going to do a medical scene, why not have some you know, rubbing alcohol open, so that disinfectant smell can permeate. Or you know, the kind of typical ones of leather, rubber, latex, those heavy smells, overpowering that can transport you and remind you of a memory and trigger an emotion. It’s a subtle thing that we don’t often think about.
Next I go with sound, so, obvious one is music, right, so you can play some classical and flip it so you’re possibly conjuring up a feeling of fear, or danger in some way but there’s this very peaceful classical in the background. You can try white noise, which I feel is good for, it’s cutting out, the whole idea is that you’re cutting out familiarity, so you can, it’s better when you’re dropping other senses. So say the other person’s blindfolded, and you walk them into a room that’s full of chatter of a cafe, which you can download from your local Apple Store.
JP: Yes indeed.
Mistress Isobel: And so there’s your public humiliation scene.
JP: That’s a very interesting, the idea of cutting out the other senses, we already know that that heightens senses,
Mistress Isobel: Exactly
JP: So doing that just brings about such amazing things. I mean, we’re going through the senses now, there’s obvious ones when it comes to sex and sexuality. Touch and sight are the ones we initially think of when we’re thinking of sex, I mean it’s, sex and touch in ways, but there are surely many different ways that you can mix those up, and not make them the obvious, well, we’re touching and having sex.
Mistress Isobel: I think by taking them away in different ways you can conjure up a feeling or a memory, and emotion, and playing with the idea of allowing you to touch, it’s like, okay well actually I’m going to put your hands in great big mittens and I’m going to put your hands all over me but you can’t feel anything. Ha ha ha. Which can feel, hmm, it’s probably a bit embarrassing, a bit desperate, you know, to be so close but so far.
You know with touch, so let’s go a bit further, you’re not just touching nipples, it’s like, what is the weight of sensation, what’s the texture, are you lying on a big plastic sheet, about to be operated on? What’s the feeling of sweating into that clinging plastic, for example? Temperature; say something suddenly cold drops onto you, it scrambles your brain. And that’s the whole idea is that it’s taking you out of the familiar.
JP: That’s all completely fascinating in so many steps beyond the way many people approach creating a scene and this is what you’re going to be talking about in the workshop,
Mistress Isobel: Oh yeah.
JP: Yup, and the idea of the senses is so intriguing because there’s just in that there’s so much to play with, and moving beyond that then you’ve got, you know, the different implements that you’re mentioning and the different scenarios the different… you’re talking directly to senses but then you’ve got psychological aspects which can be beyond senses, you’re hearing them but the discussions that come out of the psychological aspects of scenes, there’s so much there.
Mistress Isobel: And I feel that a lot of people come up to me and say I’d like to be a Domme but I don’t know what to say. Well you should get this book that’s full of things that Dominatrices say! (laughter) but you know that part of it, don’t worry about how you’re going to talk to your partner. It just comes up naturally as you’re doing it. I think that’s why role play can feel silly, it’s like “you worm, you get on the floor you, uh you loser.” I heard it in a film once, I’m not sure…. you know what I mean? So it’s just playing, it’s trying things out. You’re not going to lose an eye by making a mistake unless you poke them.
Stephen Biggs: When you describe it it sounds like the saying, the talking is such a small part, you’re really curating an experience when you add in all these other senses. It’s cinematic. It’s theatrical.
Mistress Isobel: And therapeutic as well.
Stephen Biggs: Absolutely.
JP: And even you can try, like you say it’s play, and sometimes play doesn’t work, but then sometimes you see or feel or experience…The Joy. The appreciation or the out and out joy of sexual response that can happen and then you get encouraged and you know which way to go.
Mistress Isobel: It’s like any creative flow, once you’re in it you can really ride it and things just come naturally. Keep your kitchen drawer open because once you’re in that zone you’re going to get inspired by whatever’s around you.
JP: Fantastic. This is Mistress Isobel
Mistress Isobel: Hello.
JP: She’s going to be speaking on Behind Fantasy: The Steps To Building Your Ideal Scene that’s just a little bit of a taste, and that’s what you’ll get to experience at Playground Conference, another one of the great talks that’s going to be happening, that’s on Sunday afternoon so it’s definitely one to check out. Thank you very much for coming in and giving us this little peek into it.
Mistress Isobel: Pleasure.
JP: We are definitely intrigued as we are with Playground as a whole.
Jon Pressick is a sex blogger and writer with sexinwords.ca and hosts the weekly radio program Sex City, Tuesday nights at 11pm ET on CIUT895FM and streaming online.This show was co-hosted with Stephen Biggs, sex educator and registered psychotherapist. It was recorded on November 3rd 2015 in Toronto, Canada.