A big thing I love about kinky folks is that they look so fabulously normal on the outside, blending in with their normal people clothes. When I look around a restaurant or an airport lounge, I wonder how many of the men are wearing lacy knickers under their suits, and how many women are holding the key to their sweetie’s chastity cage.
There are more and more couples experimenting with chastity devices, and both men and women have written to me asking for advice. What I can say is the same as any new play: do it light and brief the first go, and gradually extend the time and intensity. And have at least 3 keys – one for you, one for your partner, and one kept in a safe place. Bolt cutters are a last resort.
I asked around within my community to see who might have insight into this kind of power exchange. I had the pleasure of meeting a perfectly disguised sissy service sub. Reliable dark blue suit and tie, sensible glasses, completely innocuous except for a slightly pained expression when he shifted in his seat. He and his wife have started playing with long-term chastity and I took the chance to ask about his experience.
MIH: What gets you off about this game?
SSS: The humiliation of knowing I’m not even man enough to be in charge of my own orgasms. The build up and frustration and ongoing, tingling need.
When did you first find out about chastity as an activity?
Relatively early on. Say, early 20s. Once I’d started really investigating the idea of being dominated. You visit a few dungeons, you see some things. And you ask some questions. And mine was “What’s that suspiciously cock-shaped restraint on that shelf?”
What was your first experience?
It was with a lovely redhead I dated. She was naturally quite dominant and loved to tease me. And once I saved the money up, I bought a device. And when she locked me up, my cock swelled and pulsed instantly and I felt overwhelmed. I think I may have swooned.
How did you negotiate the terms? Maybe not directly in relation to this specific activity, but was there conversation around methods of any extreme control before the big clamp?
We didn’t think it through much. It was very brief and mostly for fun. I didn’t undergo long stretches at that time.
How did it affect your daily life?
Very little, though walking around with a secret like that was, naturally, quite stimulating.
Would you have wanted to know anything that you know now before diving in?
Nah. The shock and delight were interwoven.
Can you describe the range of feelings and emotions you experience being locked up? How does it change with time? I can imagine it is quite different on day one than week three.
Well, now that I’m doing longer stretches….hmm. There’s elation at first. Then frustration. And the frustration comes in waves, commingled with ecstasy, a bratty sort of defiance, a head-down “I’m going to BEAT THIS” kind of motivation, and occasionally a weakened, shaky sort of surrender. It’s extreme on an emotional level. The further along you are, the more pliant you become. Basically you fight it until you can’t. Then you’re at the mercy of the steel, and the keeper.
How does it shape your experience with your wife when they are physically with you?
Oh, I’m instantly more obliging and servile. Anything to please.
I don’t imagine that the thrill lies simply in your useless deformity being locked away. What activities does it involve for you? Does technology play a part?
Tech, not so much, unless you count being texted filth that’s designed to make the experience more difficult. Just being teased, being penetrated, being wrapped around one’s keeper’s little finger.
What things in any part of your life do you find easier to put your mind to now you’re locked?
Oh, chores. Chores and generally being a pleasing slut. Also writing!
What models have you tried, and which work best for you?
I’ve tried the CB-6000, which I broke when I got hard once, so NO THANKS. I tried the Birdlocked, which is silicon, which chafed and led to a mild edema that eventually cleared up. The best I’ve ever had was stainless steel. Easy to clean, easy to wear for long stretches, comfortable though unyielding.
How, if at all, can this be done solo?
I suppose you’d have to be more fetishist than submissive. And if you get off on just the notion of the device, go for it, you know? Have a blast. Be your own top. I’m not so much into that. I like being directed.